Eddie Guerrero returns after eight years of “playing possum”

Popular professional wrestler Eddie Guerrero, widely believed to have passed away in 2005, re-emerged this week to reveal that he has cunningly been “playing possum” all along.

“Viva la Raza!” Guerrero proclaimed at a press conference this morning, looking a little older but still in fantastic shape and endearingly mischievous.

“I told you I always lie, cheat and steal!”

Guerrero admits he “might have oversold the whole not-being-alive thing,” but that it was worth it just to see the looks on people’s faces when he returned.

“Vintage Guerrero!” exclaimed commentator Michael Cole.

The former WWE champion announced his intention to return to the ring at the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view, where he intends to attack fellow Mexican Alberto Del Rio for kissing his wife, Vickie, and for general gimmick infringement.

Kayfabe News sincerely wishes this story would come true.